EroticMV

I had an erotic music video open in my browser all morning and I actually realized that it wasn’t morning anymore. It’s always a good sign when any type of website can make you lose track of time, and if you ask me, it’s even better when it bothers you and distracts you at the same time. You have a million options on how to waste today’s productive hours (and I have thousands of them that I’ve reviewed here on ThePornDude), but I think today’s masturbation trip will appeal to perverts who appreciate a little plot. and a fair amount of shlock. Smokers in the audience will almost certainly want to bring marijuana.

MV on EroticMV.com tags videos, with a subtitle under the logo stating that they have the best sex videos. That’s a bit of a vague description that I don’t think does this stash the justice it deserves, as it’s not your typical free tube or artistic softcore material that’s often lumped together under the term “erotic.” This library of digitized celluloid is more like a trip to an old video store where you’ll find free vintage porn, nude foreign films, sexy monster movies, and other VHS/DVD rarities. It’s a bit of a weird site these days, but it has millions of users visiting it every month. Let’s see what they see.

Who is interested in an erotic music video?

When the erotic link to the MV first appeared in my DMs, I honestly thought it would be just another free channel. Although “erotica” is a term that is not often used in the context of contemporary porn literature, video-sharing sites remain the dominant form of free pornography. I thought this one added the E word to separate himself from the rest of the crowd.
So I was pleasantly surprised when I went to the site and found something different than what I usually try on a daily basis. The simple red and black presentation reminds me of going to the movies, but the movie thumbnails take me back to the days of musty video stores, shelves filled with boxes and full of potential. The deviants in the crowd will never know the magic of turning the box over to see what weird shit awaits them.

EroticMV thumbnails are not the porn screenshots that appear on your average tube’s home page. The presentation here is somewhat reminiscent of a site specializing in JAV (Japanese adult films), in that the films are represented by an image of the original physical cover, a dying form known as box art. It’s a radically different atmosphere from almost every other adult site today. You could argue that we choose based on short previews on any video site, but here, as in the days of video stores, that initial choice largely comes down to atmosphere.

So what mood are you feeling today? EroticMV.com is not just any VHS library, but a very well-stocked one. The material leans heavily towards softcore rather than today’s hardcore standards, with dick in the hole and everything soaked in cum, but there’s still plenty to choose from. Before I even left the cover, I was watching classic French lesbian porn, cheesy 80s horror erotica, Korean cuckold flicks, Chinese exploitation action, and classic 70s Afro-pub porn.

There’s quite a large menu of genres that covers many of the niches you’d expect to find on adult sites such as Taboo, Lesbian, MILF, BDSM, Office and Voyeur. In my opinion, it’s the less popular subgenres that really make EroticMV unique. I’m talking entire series of comedies, science fiction, and monster movies, as well as sections on witches, ghosts, exploitation, and animation. Come for Gangbangs, stay for historical erotica and titty vampire movies.

I’ve described Erotic MV as a VHS-era site, although technically the library spans the 1960s to 2020s and can even be read by decade. That said, there is a lot more vintage stuff than modern stuff, so I wouldn’t recommend this site to anyone looking for current porn videos. However, it’s a pretty easy and obvious recommendation for grindhouse fans, vintage porn enthusiasts, pretentious foreign movie masturbators, and stoners in general.

I don’t have enough grass for all this

Are you unemployed? If not, do you have a ton of sick days saved up? The reason I ask is because for those of you who truly appreciate the artistic form of an erotic music video, you may not be able to resist taking another drag and reloading the video over and over again. This would be a problem even if they only had a few dozen videos, but given the size of the library, it could result in a loss of productivity but a huge gain in forearm strength and endurance. Oh, and sandwiches too.
At the time of writing, there are over a thousand videos in the EroticMV collection. I looked for upload dates to get an idea of how fast the site is growing, but I couldn’t find them. However, the domain has only been around since late 2019, so I think it’s safe to assume they’re constantly building it. A list of NEWEST SEX VIDEOS scrolls across the top of the screen, and the same videos I’m watching are on the top two rows of the first page.

The latest collection of erotic music videos includes classic 70s Italian erotica, 90s new age erotica titled The Sexperiment and turn of the century softcore titled Exposed. I like how much information they provide right below the cover of the movie, with IMDB rating, year of release, likes, and a bunch of tags that should be just as useful as the covers when you’re trying to find your perfect vintage jerk material

A film from 1987 caught my attention. It’s only 5 out of 10 on IMDB and only 5 likes on EroticMV.com, but I like the meatball and cheese vibe, as well as the scribbled text between two pretty ladies in 80s outfits: IF JOHN WATERS KNEW GEORGE ROMERO, YOU WILL HAVE… THE NIGHT OF THE LIVING CHILDREN. As a fan of smut, pornography and horror, it seemed perfect to me. As I clicked through to the video page, I was once again impressed by the amount of information presented. Where possible, EroticMV lists cast, crew and directors, adding more clickable tags to help you navigate through its extensive video library.

Hair, boobs and zombies from the 80s

Many full-length movie sites hit you with all the force of a spammer from the moment you load the site, and even more so when you try to watch the movie. On the contrary, nothing nasty escaped my ad blocker during my visit to the erotic music video, even when I clicked the play button for Night of the Living Babes.
The film opens with cheap text and a grainy image quality that you’ll recognize if you’ve ever thrown movies into a giant mechanical box and watched them. The hairstyles and clothes are inspired by the ’80s, as is the amount of cocaine the wide-eyed stars consumed moments before appearing on camera. Honestly, this is exactly the kind of cheesy shit I expected when I clicked the video.

The feathered-haired girls don’t immediately get along with the boys who come to the side and talk about some new wave brothel on the outskirts of town. I went ten minutes ahead and then it seemed like they had reached that brothel. I think the Frank-N-Furter looking boss is a trans girl, but it’s hard to tell given the resolution of the VHS. However, topless girls with brightly colored, flashy wigs look sexy.

As I review the video, I don’t see any full sex, but I do see a lot of tits, innuendos, and sexual situations. If I have one complaint about EroticMV.com, it’s that most of the material is really softcore by modern porn standards. This isn’t a site I would recommend to someone looking for something quick, easy and dirty to jerk off to, but it’s definitely worth checking out if you’re a fan of vintage porn and VHS rarities. They have a huge and well-organized library with all kinds of complete and extraordinary movies to watch. Even if you forget your lube, I recommend having a snack or a joint to smoke while you watch.